I consider myself a positive person

However there are times when I am desperately ill, I pray death comes soon. During severe flare ups, I have even been known to beg my partner to let me die.

That may shock you, that death can seem preferable to living. The sad reality of living life with FM and ME, is that sometimes death, really would be a welcome relief.

Imagine not being able to get out of bed for weeks, wanting to amputate both legs because the pain is so unbearable, constantly covered in sweat and yet shaking uncontrollably. Being so weak you cannot even take on fluids. Constant migraines, IBS attacks, unable to make yourself understood, never able to make plans, and that's just an average day.

There are sixty three (reported) symptoms for Fibromyalgia, and around sixty three Symptoms for ME, perhaps now you can see why death sometimes feels the better option?

Living with Fibromyalgia (FM) and Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)

I'm quite a solitary person, preferring the company of animals or gadgets to humans. Quite odd you may think, but not when you consider I live with more than one chronic illness. What I have isn't terminal but they won't make life particularly pleasant either.

I've had to come to terms with the fact that I may never work again. The pastimes I once cherished are also gone. In their place, lies a much slower pace of life that's more about existing than living.

I'm thankful to live in a world that allows me to feel connected, even when I'm unable to get outdoors for long periods of time.

I have no idea what I hope to achieve with this blog, other than to remain anonymous, a hidden face behind a keyboard.